towards contentment.

theres a gaping hole inside my soul that I’ve neglected throughout my adolescence up until the present

the power of the subconscious is fascinating because of its nature; youre not consciously aware of its consequences

it feeds off of instability and my own ignorance, further compounded by my arrogance

my belief in my ability to rationalise and compartmentalise is how I’ve survived my godforsaken existence for as long as i can remember

and now i realise it is my undoing

steadfast and rigidly embedded within my own head that i never let myself contemplate the alternatives for too long

the fears within my subconscious working to cement my toxic coping mechanisms which fester within my psyche

to what end?

at the expense of my own sanity, it seems.

see, im so used to relying only on myself and my intellect to get me through the fabled human experience

why bother to contemplate temporary and fleeting emotions, which my own mind can’t even seem to fathom nor is fully aware of

yet i let myself bathe in my own ignorance

because that’s what felt right and, more specifically, was the easiest way.

if it seems easy, you’re probably doing it wrong.

life is strange in that way, the good times limited by the fact that nothing is permanent and the bad worsened by my penchant for self-pity

i guess at some point we’ve all gotta grow up
and deal with it.

i don’t really know how to nor what route will be the best, but the beauty of our existence lies in its futility

you either accept it and move on or find yourself subconsciously gripped by fears and feelings of unworthiness.

it’s in these times that i truly understand why empathy is as fundamental to happiness
much like a mother’s love is to her child’s life.

inextricably linked and dictated by it, or its lack of.

either way, we’ve all gotta grow up at some point
but don’t let the kid inside you die.

don’t let yourself give up the innocence of your nature

regardless of the bad, or the good, its part of you whether you like it or not.

accept it and stride forwards,
towards contentment.

H.B.A.

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